Twas the night before Christmas—Old Santa was pi$$ed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my a$$ for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks, Santa!" what do I hear?
The old lady bitches 'cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money, the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those IRS a$$holes sent a registered letter.
They say I owe taxes. If that ain't damn funny,
Who the hell sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days are all the pits.
They want the impossible, those mean little sh¡ts.
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls' arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yoyo's, No request for them.
They want computers and robots, they think I'm IBM!
Fly through the air, dodge all the trees,
Fall down those chimneys and skin both my knees.
I'm quitting this job, there's just no enjoyment.
I'll sit on my butt and draw unemployment.
If there's no Christmas now, you'll know the reason:
I found me a blonde. I'm going South for the season!